Projects
A selection of projects demonstrating my diverse (and occasionally unbelievable) skillset:
Project A: Squirrel-Pigeon Peace Treaty
March 2042 - April 2042
Successfully negotiated a lasting peace agreement between warring squirrel and pigeon factions in Central Park. Mediated disputes over prime nut-gathering and breadcrumb-scavenging territories. The breakthrough came with the introduction of cashew butter as a universally appreciated food source. Result: 100% reduction in interspecies squabbles (and a lot of sticky beaks and paws).
Project B: Time-Traveling Toaster
January 2045 - Present
Developed a revolutionary toaster capable of retrieving bread from the past. While technically a success (it *does* retrieve bread), the inherent limitations of temporal mechanics result in the bread always being stale upon arrival. Currently seeking funding for a "freshness preservation field" to overcome this hurdle. Potential applications include historical bread analysis and competitive toast-eating using only ancient grains.
Project C: Hamster-Built Eiffel Tower
June 2044 - December 2044
Oversaw a team of 50 highly-trained (and surprisingly strong) hamsters in the construction of a 1:1000 scale replica of the Eiffel Tower, constructed entirely from toothpicks and non-toxic glue. The project faced numerous challenges, including a toothpick shortage and a brief strike over working conditions (resolved with extra sunflower seeds). The final structure is remarkably accurate and serves as a testament to the power of tiny teamwork.